I usually prefer to write my parents, write my siblings, write the mission president, and then fill in the remainder with this general epistle to the world at large. This week, after reading the mission newsletter and the comments from my parents on their week and things going on back home, I've got mixed feelings. As many of you may know, my dad had a run-in with cancer a few years ago. He's done a great job managing it in the meantime, but he recently went in for a checkup and two new tumors were discovered. That's a hard thing to think about. He's getting priesthood blessings, the Lord's already told me he'll be fine, and my parents are both elect people that can handle anything together. Parenthetically, they are where they are today because of promises they've made and kept to each other and to God, and the power of their promises gives them the strength they need.
I bring these things up because I want to once and for all address and put to rest the biggest concern it seems that people have in "the most atheist country in the world" concerning a higher power. A good friend of mine and a recently converted man has been struggling to put his life in order. Work, living quarters, family concerns, and other needs of his have not been properly met for the last year. His children are in an orphanage and are starting to forget who their dad is. But, didn't this man just enter into baptism? Shouldn't God be on his side? While each of us can look at the demands that life makes of us and see places where our expectations haven't been met, perhaps in the people we've found or in the progress we like to see in our lives or ourselves, there are poignant cases that seem to revolve around world hunger and poverty, sickness and death, and human suffering, all of which are all too often difficult to understand or explain in a simple, concise, ribbon-wrapped answer. Why do bad things happen to good peple? I don't have every answer, but there are answers to these questions. Many claim that we as humans have a need to find understanding in our lives, to comprehend the negatives we see before us and turn them into positives. That's where religious feelings come from. Could it be that our circumstances are just up to chance? Does God honestly allow or even send such horrible challenges into the lives of people who should be receiving blessings? Or in some inexplicable way are these struggles blessings in disguise? Perhaps He trusts us with the challenges, knowing that we will find the silver lining, the pot of gold, the personal growth, or the creation of life from an otherwise lifeless environment? We could come up with a million questions, but I think that the most important lessons I've learned on my mission in the last year are as follows. We are the children of a loving Heavenly Father. Our birth into this life required that we forget and lose understanding of that which was before, but that is only temporary. It is through the trials of life and our weaknesses that we develop the final, crowning qualities Heavenly Father requires of those who are to obtain "greater happiness and peace and rest", become "greater follower[s] of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge", and ultimately share these blessings with others. I quote Abraham because he, of all people, had it bad. No kids, dysfunctional parents, old age, and then asked to sacrifice the one source of blessings he can see in His life. Could Abraham give up everything he ever wanted just because God asked him to? He could, he did, and he was blessed with more than he could have wanted.
I hope I haven't pushed my thoughts beyond appropriate borders for a letter home today, but these are the things on my mind. This last week was marked with great struggles on behalf of pretty much everybody I know. It seems like everywhere I look, people are sick in some way, they struggle and try to keep going but cannot find the answers they need or want, and with great faith I ask myself "Why does a loving Heavenly Father allow or direct life to such crossings as this? Are we not doing what we're supposed to do?" As pilgrims on the path Home, do we have Sweet Water crossings of our own? Do we have to ford the Platte rivers of life and get to the other side, not knowing where to place our footing? I think we do, and it is not because of punishment, nor because of fault or failure. It is Love from a creater who desires that we rely wholly upon him. Elder Maxwell made an excellent point at a BYU devotional once, noting as Moroni did, "For he hath answered the ends of the law, and he claimeth all those who have faith in him; and they who have faith in him will cleave unto every good thing; wherefore he advocateth the cause of the children of men; and he dwelleth eternally in the heavens." (Moroni 7:28 - Read the whole chapter sometime, It's good). Christ is not just the legal advocate, but he advocates the only cause of mankind. When we place our full faith in him, believing him and not just placing confidence in him, and incorporate good things into ourselves, we will find we have the rest we are looking for.
Recently, I've struggled with incorporating those "good things." Obviously a warm bed and hot water are good things, but perhaps material comforts aren't what he's referring to. Really, the only eternal "Good things" out there are the qualities of the Master that we incorporate into oureslves. Thereby, we find that our path is full of filling ourselves with His attributes, through love, through patience, through sacrifice. Suddenly, the tragic suffering we see in our lives becomes the means, not the affliction. It becomes to tool, not the trashcan. The Lord trusts us with our trials just as much as he trusts us with our strengths and gifts. That is why I am grateful that I have a loving Savior who grants me strengths as I need them and trials as I need them, and in seeing this I am learning that through gratitude to all things provided by our Advocate, I can expect both the justice and mercy I require personally and that which is required at my hands by those whom I serve.
Well, that was an epistle. I'll tell you that this week has been up and down. People on the path to baptism have fallen off track. Lessons we wanted to teach didn't pan out, but progress we didn't expect popped out of nowhere. We had a fantastic zone conference on wednesday that confirmed to me I know how to be a good missionary, and I believe the most important thing for me is to choose that faith, to choose the love our Father in Heaven wants to give us, and to not just keep myself from it just because I don't think I'm worthy of it. I want to repeat that: I want to let myself receive what Heavenly father wants to give, even if I don't feel good enough for it all the time.
I want to thank you all for your letters, your love, and your support. I don't know if it's like this in other parts of the world, but I've never felt so much pushing against me before, I think. Then again, I know it will be alright. Really, there's no reason for it to not be alright. My family has intact covenants, I'm on a mission serving people who need faith and hope more than anybody, and at the end of the day I can feel the love and satisfaction from knowing that I am doing what my Lord would have me do.
I love you all, and I hope that you feel that love in your lives as you try to make that connection yourselves. This up and coming week will be Easter, which is exciting because of what it means and of what the Savior did. It's also a pretty big holiday in the Czech Republic, however I'll fill in those details next week.
Thanks,
Elder Brent Anderson
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